Seek

Life goes on

2009-12-14T00:14:00.000+08:00

The olevels is over, competition is over too. Just when I thought the end of olevels deserves great joy, the competition seems to have eaten joy up. ): perhaps this year would be the most depressing year of my life. I could, you know, do very badly for olevels and also fail my diploma. I'm already on my way to depression after my failure in the competition. However like the story of the footprints, God lifted me up during that suposedly devastating time of my life. I clearly remember how it went. I enjoyed myself on stage.. The results only came out the day after while I was in the midst of childaid rehearsal. It was during the rehearsal when I got the bad news in the most indirect way. So it didn't hit me. I was just in shock while the orchestra was playing festive overture. It was only during the break where my shock turned to disappointment and you know, tears. Ze was with me the whole time, in fact she was the only one whom I allowed to stay by my side. I guess she saw how I stared at the scenery I drop my first tear, then second. It was a whole 10min of crying. Ze was just beside me, 50cm away. She didn't say anything, my sobbing took over our conversation. After that 10min, I held my tears back cause rehearsal had to resume. Throughout the rehearsal, I could feel God comforting me. I didn't realise it was Him all along who helped me through this difficult time. I had another crying session for another 10min at home and that was all. Somehow, God told me, that's enough and I stopped. For the next few days, tears would only come when someone calls me a loser. I do admit that I'm one but I hate to remind myself that I'm one cause I've been trying to work on it for a long time.

So life goes on. I keep myself occupied with childaid and diploma which I know will cause me to be upset when I fail but I'm prepared for the worst considering that I only got my scores 2 weeks ago, I can't expect much from myself anyway.

Through this year's pv competition, I'm sure many have various reactions to it. Some, like me, may be very disappointed. While others are very encouraged by the results. No matter what, life goes on. As long as sun rises, there is hope, there is life.

Insect

2009-11-12T15:49:00.001+08:00

My insect of the day: monster

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Insects

2009-11-08T20:29:00.001+08:00

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I'm on my way...

2009-10-29T20:23:00.000+08:00

I cannot imagine myself completing the olevels... It seems so distant and unreachable yet when I look at things from a glance, freedom is almost there.

So far, only less than half the papers are over.. I still have a whole mountain and papers and a sky of words to write. ): sigh. Remind me to be happy when exams are over. ):

Time passes really slowly now...

To keep me alive. (:

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9 more days

2009-10-27T09:49:00.001+08:00

So much for the first paper!! Now it's time for math. Four days of numbers... Before the real torture comes in. I've decided not to talk much about the English paper just in case I realise my error and start to moan over it. Anyway, I have to thank God for giving me peace in my mind when I was about to panick yesterday. So 9 more days (of exams not including days when I have no paper) and the bigger challenge will come!!

Perhaps olevels is less tiring compared to what's awaiting me next month.

But I still can't wait to break free from my studies!!!

That dolphin is sarasate... The amazing cold blooded hard-to-soft toy!! And don't forget the rabbit, gqr, who once conducted strings. (: I miss those times...

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This is my life

2009-10-23T11:16:00.000+08:00

Lord, I offer you my life. Even though I do not know what is ahead of me, let me learn to trust in You so that when I look back, I'll realise how my life has been wonderfully planned by You. I may plan my steps but the Lord determines them. Everything that I've been through has a purpose which has been made meaningful by the Lord.

My first paper, English, will be starting in a few hours time... Thankfully I'm not panicking or worrying that much. Or perhaps I was worrying unconsiously in my dreams. I didn't sleep well and had weird dreams too. Sigh. Hope it doesn't affect me. Strangely, I still can't imagine myself taking the paper and I feel that olevels will never end... It seems like a short journey from a glance but I can't imagine myself being free from those books!! So I'll see how the first paper goes today... Can't wait!(:

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Go ahead

2009-10-22T19:42:00.001+08:00

I had a fun day... Which is bad. Until this day, I cannot imagine myself spending half my time in the hall doing papers!! What if I come across a question which I cannot solve? Or what if I get a brain block?? Ohno. ): there're too many things to worry about. This worrying is endless so I'm going to try to control my thoughts. Here's the fun I had:

This is limze. Hehe.

That's me. (:

(:
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Day by day

2009-10-21T21:43:00.000+08:00

I can't imagine... That olevels is just in a few days. 4 days to be accurate. I had a good chat today, my peer pressure has been reduced slightly. Furthermore, my dad's home. (: just by his presence, he makes my life different. Even though today wasn't such a productive day, my mind has been refreshed. My brain has repaired its damaged brain cells and is replaced by new ones. (: (I don't take bio). No matter what, my heart in contented. And that's enough for today! The most valuable knowledge of the day: fill up your heart with joy. (:

I bet my nagative thoughts will be back tomorrow again... Let my cycle repeat itself!

Force over area

2009-10-20T19:59:00.001+08:00

Pressure. Peer pressure. This is not the kind of stress I like!!): the force I experience gives me a lot of pressure over the small surface area I'm on. Yet when I try to enlarge this surface area, no one would add on.

Frankly, I don't like staring at my books. ): even when I try to, it's disturbing to be reminded that my peers having been staring at theirs for a much longer time. Perhaps 10 times longer than me? I work well with reverse psychology. Seeing everyone studying makes me tired.

I don't know when I'll stop having these thoughts... It's really tiring. I can't study, I really can't. On the bright side, my dad's coming home tomorrow. (: hopefully he can give me some words of wisdom!!(:

Sunset at my school. (: it's a goodbye!!

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This is it

2009-10-18T08:59:00.001+08:00

Well well, I haven't posted for 7 months! It could mean that the past 7 months had been very pleasant and there was not much excitment. Or maybe it's because I got another way of storing my memories. (:

Since I'm posting again, it means that I'm feeling really unsastified. Olevels is in a weeks time. I'm not ready. While my friends are all studying 13 hours each day, I'm not. My studying span is only 2hours. So how am I coping? I'm only learning to trust in God. Knowing that everyone's studying so hard, I feel very hopeless. How am I going to compare myself with those people? I'm just left alone with my own imginations.

At times like these, I doubt friendship. What are friends really for? I know that they're nice people who bothers about you but will they ever get sick of you? Do they really understand?or do they only see one side of you and claim that they understand? Does anyone around me know what it's like to see my world?? Only God knows me. But I pray that He'll send me someone else to understand me. Perhaps my dad has been playing that role. He's overseas now. I spent an hour chatting with him on msn yesterday. Tears started flowing everytime he tried to comfort me and everytime I replied him with somemore negative thoughts. Until he said, "I surrender, and I feel like going home now." and that woke me up. What was I doing? I realised that I was not only affecting myself, I'm making others around me worried too!! Just 3 days ago, something similar happened between me and my mom. All she did was simple. She came in my word, showed her concern and I burst out crying.

Why am I being so emotional? I know that I'm starting to have a fear of failure but that doesn't mean that I can't accept failure, I'm already used to this sense of disapppointment. So my only reason for being emotional is that I feel like I'm left alone. Education is such a selfish thing. It should be spelled as eidicition cause there are so many Is in it. Not many can feel happy when someone else does well. And I wish people would change that. Why can't we help each other instead of studying behind people's back?

I'm going to stop here. I don't think it's right for me to say more. But the message I want to give is, "let's help one another, let us not be selfish."

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update

2009-03-27T22:52:00.003+08:00

I guess I haven't posted for a really long time... But my life has been going up and down and up and down! One of the highlights would be the strings taka concert! I'm glad that it went quite smoothly, nothing weird. Ohwell, I've nothing to post about! My dad gave me a surprise during my summer cleaning, he got me a new bed!! Maybe I'll post a picture of it another time. (:

holidays!

2009-03-13T22:36:00.003+08:00

FINALLY!! Last day of term one! I got a new phone, LG. (: I'm really glad that 1 term's over!! Yet it frightens me to know how fast time is flying. Sometimes I wonder whether the world is spinning too quickly cause I feel like I can't catch up.

My CA marks were fine, almost satisfying!

I'm going to post some pictures taken by my LG phone!!!

went to tham's house today!! So many weird things happened in school today, must be because of the friday 13 thing. Hee.

I'm going to sleep now!! Woke up early for nothing.

over!!

2009-03-03T19:43:00.002+08:00

YESYESYES!!! COMMON TEST WEEK IS FINALLY OVER!! (: Hehehehehe. Well, actually, I shouldn't be that happy about it cause there will be more. Today, I got back my emath test! Where I was reminded of my own stupidity. I can't it, I'm stupid and careless. What could be worse than that? But I know I shouldn't be upset over this since I can't do anything much except trying to accept the fact that I've a low level of intelligence. And that is true. As my grades proves it all .

There's strings tomorrow!! Yet another opportunity for the MGSE members to gather together and rehearse, rehearse, rehearse for out upcoming concert and of course, SYF. If we don't meet my expectation for SYF, I'm going to be so upset. REALLY REALLY UPSET. Cause I know, we deserve it! We're working hard and I know that we have the full potential!! (:

one week!

2009-02-27T20:17:00.003+08:00

Finally, another week's over! I'm halfway through my common test week. So far, I think I'm surviving! Not that stressed yet. My dad got me a surprise today!! He bought a puffer fish for me!!! (: I was sooo shocked! At first I thought it was a goldfish and started screaming but phew! He got me a puff puff puffer fish!!!!!!!! Heee. It's bigger than the previous one I got last year which didn't live long. Last year, I got a figure 8 puffer fish called "Coda" soooo, maybe I'll call the puffer fish Codetta!

Tham did a terrible thing to me on facebook. That terrible internet site. GRRR. She posted a terrible video of me!!! It only shows that 1. I really can't play the violin 2. I can't play at 2am 3. I'm not flexible when I play on someone else's violin. Tham, if you're reading this, you better be warned. CAUSE I'M GOING TO EAT YOU UP ON MONDAY. Heeee.

I made chocolate ice cream again!! But this time with limze! And this time, we added chocolate shavings! And less instant coffee. I hope it'll taste good! I'm going to be an expert ice cream maker! And make everyone happy by making ice cream!!! Next week's going to be another terrible week. ): More common test and chem SPA. ):

I will survive!! [So will Codetta!]

thursday

2009-02-19T22:32:00.002+08:00

Thursday. This week has been a lot happier compared to last week. (: That picture was taken during our learning journey! It was fun but I didn't learn much. There's swim meet tomorrow!! I get to leave school earlier! Heeeheheheehe.

I've nothing much to post about.

Ohyes, I'm starting to get a little bit worried about common tests I'm going to face next week... ): Eeek.

tough life

2009-02-15T20:04:00.002+08:00

I had a tough week. Lots of suffering and not much happiness. At least the week is over. And I am now more convinced that I'm stupid. ): Hehhh. And life is unfair!! Sometimes. Although God is fair.

The most memorable time of the week was doing CIP in school until 2am!! It was really cool. And limze and louise stayed over at my house! (:

Didn't actually do anything significant these few days so hopefully, the week to come will be more fruitful!

wednesday

2009-02-04T21:37:00.002+08:00

Yay! It's wednesday!! Which means 2 more days to Friday!! I went roller blading yesterday before piano lesson. Needed a break. Decided to meet up with Sheryll!! (: We cycled and roller bladed around the housing estates and it was quite cool!! (:

Got to go back to work. Not homework but another type of work. Responsibilities! (:

grandpa's adventure

2009-01-30T22:32:00.002+08:00

Hehehe. My grandpa went missing today!!! What an interesting experience. He went out early in the morning and wasn't home by 10pm. Luckily, he was found. (: When I heard the news from my dad, I thought of yesterday's devotions in school then I prayed silently to God for his guidance and help cause He's the only one who knew where my grandpa was and because of his grace, my grandpa is back home safely now! (: Ohwell, interesting night!

I have a rash on the left side of my waist. How strange!! Must be because of the poking "tickling" I experienced in school today. I'm not ticklish!!! Really. Only sometimes. And now, I've this huge patch of rash at a weird position. ): Or maybe it's because I slept on my slept on my left side in the afternoon.

Who cares. I have a rash and it's not cool. ):

chest pains

2009-01-25T20:55:00.003+08:00

I'm getting old!! Feel like I'm going to die of heart attack anytime. I often get these sudden and painful chest pains. It's terrible. Just feel like I can't breathe anymore. ): Let's see, I experience it when I start exercising, or when I'm in shock or just at any random time of the day. Luckily most of those pains only last for 10min. The worst I got lasted for 1 hour. And there was one time I had it throughout my whole PE lesson. Couldn't get rid of it.

So, I decided to research on it today! Some say it's gas or some sort of muscle crams around the heart (but I get it on the right side too soemtimes) and some suggested that it could be reflux disease. Hmmmm. No matter what, I don't like it. ):

I'm so annoyed that I'm blogging about this. But I've a feeling that I'm not the only one experiencing this. My brother used to tell me that the reason for the pain is guilt. Hehe. I started getting these pains since young, perhaps 7. However those only lasted for a second. Then the more serious ones started when I was sec one, at limze's house.

And now I have it everyday!!! ): I'll just continue complaining... heeee.

Bored, bored. Chinese new year can get boring. Nothing cool except for the sushi dinners. (: And family gathering.

I won't waste my time blogging anymore. It's back to reality now! (:

Presto, the runner

2009-01-24T22:16:00.004+08:00

I really really miss Presto!!! ): Here's my last goodbye to him.

Sigh... all living things have to die. So I guess this is it, Presto has finally finished his race. I won't be able to see him anymore but I'll remember him in my heart!!!

Presto the runner.

Not very good

2009-01-23T21:24:00.003+08:00

Just one week ago, I had a great day, great experience. But today, I had a great day! But bad experience. ):

I played x-box for the first time this morning! I realised that it's not a cube. It's a tv like computer game! It was quite cool! I'm amazed by the graphics and intelligence. Played it with Hannah, Louise, Lydia and Zoe. It felt a little bit dystopic! (: Heeee.

Had my great day bad experience in the afternoon.

I want a diary. I have so many things to note down!! But my diary must have a lock! I need my privacy some times. (: And I wish I could tape parts of my torn skin in my diary. Like the skin of my burnt knuckle! That'll be so cool.

Another sad news.

Presto, the fastest hamster I've ever seen, passed away today. ): It was very expected. Firstly because he's kind of old already and secondly, I dreamt about him a night before. In my dreams, he was running and running and looking at me... then faded away. Strangely when I woke up, I already knew that Presto would be gone. And in the afternoon, I recieved the news while blading back from Hannah's house. I'm going to miss you Presto!!!

But looking forward, I hope to get a rabbit!! Hehehe. Always wanted one. OH! I found the cottage! It's the cottage I see every day and wonder mysteriously at it! But now that I've found it, it's not that creepy anymore. But it's still one of my sources of motivation to study.

long time

2009-01-16T22:34:00.002+08:00

Hello!! I haven't posted for a veryvery long time. So far, I've found a skin I don't really like and I made up a url which I don't really like too. However, due to my limited creativity, I can't think of a better url. ): But anyway, school has been fine! Everyday has been quite a pleasant day and I hope the rest of the year will pass by as smoothly. (:

Had a great day, great experience. (:

1st day

2009-01-02T23:00:00.001+08:00

1st day of school! Everything was expected. Ohwell, school life.

miserable again

2009-01-01T21:26:00.003+08:00

): I lost my one an only recommendation letter. That letter means sooo much to me. I feel that everytime I treasure something, I lose that something. Here's one example. If I ever ever find that letter again, I'll give a little smile! (:

2009!

2009-01-01T11:26:00.000+08:00

2009 has arrived!! I can't believe it. I did my resolutions last night. Hopefully I can fulfil all of them! (:

School's starting tomorrow... ): I'm really not prepared. I don't know whether I've studied hard enough during the holidays but I know limze did! She's the most hardworking person in the world!

A very exciting year awaits. I'm sure there'll be many ups and downs and definitely a lot of goodbyes. But I'll stay cool! (:

It's going to be tough but witth God, everything is possible!! (:

Happy New Year everyone!!!