Well well, I haven't posted for 7 months! It could mean that the past 7 months had been very pleasant and there was not much excitment. Or maybe it's because I got another way of storing my memories. (:

Since I'm posting again, it means that I'm feeling really unsastified. Olevels is in a weeks time. I'm not ready. While my friends are all studying 13 hours each day, I'm not. My studying span is only 2hours. So how am I coping? I'm only learning to trust in God. Knowing that everyone's studying so hard, I feel very hopeless. How am I going to compare myself with those people? I'm just left alone with my own imginations.

At times like these, I doubt friendship. What are friends really for? I know that they're nice people who bothers about you but will they ever get sick of you? Do they really understand?or do they only see one side of you and claim that they understand? Does anyone around me know what it's like to see my world?? Only God knows me. But I pray that He'll send me someone else to understand me. Perhaps my dad has been playing that role. He's overseas now. I spent an hour chatting with him on msn yesterday. Tears started flowing everytime he tried to comfort me and everytime I replied him with somemore negative thoughts. Until he said, "I surrender, and I feel like going home now." and that woke me up. What was I doing? I realised that I was not only affecting myself, I'm making others around me worried too!! Just 3 days ago, something similar happened between me and my mom. All she did was simple. She came in my word, showed her concern and I burst out crying.

Why am I being so emotional? I know that I'm starting to have a fear of failure but that doesn't mean that I can't accept failure, I'm already used to this sense of disapppointment. So my only reason for being emotional is that I feel like I'm left alone. Education is such a selfish thing. It should be spelled as eidicition cause there are so many Is in it. Not many can feel happy when someone else does well. And I wish people would change that. Why can't we help each other instead of studying behind people's back?

I'm going to stop here. I don't think it's right for me to say more. But the message I want to give is, "let's help one another, let us not be selfish."

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