I cannot imagine myself completing the olevels... It seems so distant and unreachable yet when I look at things from a glance, freedom is almost there.

So far, only less than half the papers are over.. I still have a whole mountain and papers and a sky of words to write. ): sigh. Remind me to be happy when exams are over. ):

Time passes really slowly now...




To keep me alive. (:

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So much for the first paper!! Now it's time for math. Four days of numbers... Before the real torture comes in. I've decided not to talk much about the English paper just in case I realise my error and start to moan over it. Anyway, I have to thank God for giving me peace in my mind when I was about to panick yesterday. So 9 more days (of exams not including days when I have no paper) and the bigger challenge will come!!

Perhaps olevels is less tiring compared to what's awaiting me next month.

But I still can't wait to break free from my studies!!!





That dolphin is sarasate... The amazing cold blooded hard-to-soft toy!! And don't forget the rabbit, gqr, who once conducted strings. (: I miss those times...


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   Lord, I offer you my life. Even though I do not know what is ahead of me, let me learn to trust in You so that when I look back, I'll realise how my life has been wonderfully planned by You. I may plan my steps but the Lord determines them. Everything that I've been through has a purpose which has been made meaningful by the Lord.

My first paper, English, will be starting in a few hours time... Thankfully I'm not panicking or worrying that much. Or perhaps I was worrying unconsiously in my dreams. I didn't sleep well and had weird dreams too. Sigh. Hope it doesn't affect me. Strangely, I still can't imagine myself taking the paper and I feel that olevels will never end... It seems like a short journey from a glance but I can't imagine myself being free from those books!! So I'll see how the first paper goes today... Can't wait!(:







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   I had a fun day... Which is bad. Until this day, I cannot imagine myself spending half my time in the hall doing papers!! What if I come across a question which I cannot solve? Or what if I get a brain block?? Ohno. ): there're too many things to worry about. This worrying is endless so I'm going to try to control my thoughts. Here's the fun I had:



This is limze. Hehe.



That's me. (:







(:
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   I can't imagine... That olevels is just in a few days. 4 days to be accurate. I had a good chat today, my peer pressure has been reduced slightly. Furthermore, my dad's home. (: just by his presence, he makes my life different. Even though today wasn't such a productive day, my mind has been refreshed. My brain has repaired its damaged brain cells and is replaced by new ones. (: (I don't take bio). No matter what, my heart in contented. And that's enough for today! The most valuable knowledge of the day: fill up your heart with joy. (:

I bet my nagative thoughts will be back tomorrow again... Let my cycle repeat itself!





  

  
  
Pressure. Peer pressure. This is not the kind of stress I like!!): the force I experience gives me a lot of pressure over the small surface area I'm on. Yet when I try to enlarge this surface area, no one would add on.

Frankly, I don't like staring at my books. ): even when I try to, it's disturbing to be reminded that my peers having been staring at theirs for a much longer time. Perhaps 10 times longer than me? I work well with reverse psychology. Seeing everyone studying makes me tired.

I don't know when I'll stop having these thoughts... It's really tiring. I can't study, I really can't. On the bright side, my dad's coming home tomorrow. (: hopefully he can give me some words of wisdom!!(:




Sunset at my school. (: it's a goodbye!!

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   Well well, I haven't posted for 7 months! It could mean that the past 7 months had been very pleasant and there was not much excitment. Or maybe it's because I got another way of storing my memories. (:

Since I'm posting again, it means that I'm feeling really unsastified. Olevels is in a weeks time. I'm not ready. While my friends are all studying 13 hours each day, I'm not. My studying span is only 2hours. So how am I coping? I'm only learning to trust in God. Knowing that everyone's studying so hard, I feel very hopeless. How am I going to compare myself with those people? I'm just left alone with my own imginations.

At times like these, I doubt friendship. What are friends really for? I know that they're nice people who bothers about you but will they ever get sick of you? Do they really understand?or do they only see one side of you and claim that they understand? Does anyone around me know what it's like to see my world?? Only God knows me. But I pray that He'll send me someone else to understand me. Perhaps my dad has been playing that role. He's overseas now. I spent an hour chatting with him on msn yesterday. Tears started flowing everytime he tried to comfort me and everytime I replied him with somemore negative thoughts. Until he said, "I surrender, and I feel like going home now." and that woke me up. What was I doing? I realised that I was not only affecting myself, I'm making others around me worried too!! Just 3 days ago, something similar happened between me and my mom. All she did was simple. She came in my word, showed her concern and I burst out crying.

Why am I being so emotional? I know that I'm starting to have a fear of failure but that doesn't mean that I can't accept failure, I'm already used to this sense of disapppointment. So my only reason for being emotional is that I feel like I'm left alone. Education is such a selfish thing. It should be spelled as eidicition cause there are so many Is in it. Not many can feel happy when someone else does well. And I wish people would change that. Why can't we help each other instead of studying behind people's back?

I'm going to stop here. I don't think it's right for me to say more. But the message I want to give is, "let's help one another, let us not be selfish."

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